Thursday, October 27, 2011
hey guys. i know its been like FOREVER since i updated my blog. actually ive already abandoned my blog for a very long time. but i needed to write this post to vomit out my feelings. seriously. everyday since the news, ive worn a mask to keep all my feelings inside. ive tried to compartmentalised them. until now ive not told anybody what im really truly feeling. ive had enough of this. so now its my time. i go to school and put up a fake smile. everybody thought that im okay with it and that its no big deal. Yeah. NO BIG DEAL. ITS JUST A FUCKING TRIP RIGHT? Well, this trip was EVERYTHING TO ME. It was the thing that motivated me to go through the hellness of this year. It was the only thing that made me get up in the morning and go to school. It was the one that drove me to excel in my studies. *sighs* and now its gone. JUST LIKE THAT.
I know that most of you are confused. Sorry for not telling you the whole story at first. So let me begin. As you guys know, i was selected for the UK trip (AT LAST! :) ) after numerous rounds of auditions by the teachers in charge. I felt as if i was the LUCKIEST girl in the world when i got to know that i had been chosen for the trip. OMG! NO WAY! was my first reaction. well, if only i ahd known........
So yeah. I was selected for my school's UK cultural exchange trip. I hosted a UK student named Kezia in July. She was the SWEETEST girl ive ever met and i love her to bits. We bonded and were very good friends eventhough weve only been with each other for a very short period of time. We promised that despite our distance, we would still write letters, email and chat with each other. I was suppose to go to UK this early december and i was EXCITED. DUH! WHO WOULD NOT RIGHT? so yeah. i knew that i would only get to go if i got promoted so i studied hard to do well for my exams and i did!
For the past 2 weeks ive been wondering about the trip and when the teachers would be informing me of the confirmed dates and amount that i have to fock out. As each day drifted past, i grew more excited and anxious for the trip. and den the horrible news came. it was on tuesday and i was in my CSE class. my friend told me that Mrs Siti wanted to see me about the trip. I was FREAKING EXCITED OKAY! I COULD NOT WAIT TO GO TO UK! THIS TRIP IS EVERYTHING TO ME! anyway, i tried to find her after i finished school but i was informed that she ahd already went home. i grew so anxious that i decided to find out her number from my friends. In the end, i smsed her to ask her of the UK trip's progress. She told me that she had something to tell me and she wanted to talk to me in person. So she called me. I was expecting her to explain to me the itenaries and stuff but NO! she told me that she had a really bad news. SHE FUCKING TOLD ME THAT I COULD NOT GO TO UK WITH THE OTHER STUDENTS AS MR TAN, MY RPINCIPAL, REJECTED MY APPLICATION DUE TO MY LATE COMING. WTF RIGHT? I MEAN PLEASE LA. I FULFILLED THE CRITERIA. I FUCKING PASSED MY EXAMS.
and as all KANCONG SCHOOLS in singapore knows, every alte coming ahs to have a punishment. ive already served detention and suspension several times. ISNT THAT ENOUGH OF A PUNISHMENT? I VE ALREADY BEEN PUNISHED WHAT!??!!?? WHY CANT THEY FUCKING JSUT LET IT GO. BUT NO! THEY HAD TO GIVE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT LET ME GO. AWESOME. ALL THE STUFF AND TROUBLES AND PATIENCE THAT IVE GONE THROUGH FOR THIS YEAR WAS GONE. JUST LIKE THAT. JUST LIKE THAT. ARGH. THIS IS SOOO ANNOYING. i told some of my friends about this and they asked me to appeal. so there was still a glinter of hope in me. MAYBE. JUST MAYBE, I CAN GO FOR THIS TRIP. so i smsed her again to ask her if i could appeal. YKNOW WHAT SHE SAID???
im veri sorry. the decision is final. there is no more vacancies in our group.
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL. SERIOUSLY. GOD. What i did not realise is that, THEY AHVE ALREADY FOUND A REPLACEMENT FOR ME EVEN BEFORE THEY TOLD ME. THAT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR. TOTALLY. THEY DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO REDEEM MYSELF. ITS NOT LIKE IM CAUSING ANY TROUBLE TO ANYBODY IN THE TRIP WHAT. ITS JUST THAT IM NOT THAT PUNCTUAL FOR THE STUPID SCHOOL. oh god. after being loyal and trying my best to stay in the trip, I FAILED. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS? WHEN SOMEBODY TELLS YOU THAT YOU CANT GO/GET SOMETHING THAT YOU HVAE WANTED SINCE LIKE FOREVER. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A FAILURE I FELT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME? even after 3 days since the news, IT STILL FUCKING HURTS.
seriously. im worried. my As is in 4 days and the ONLY thing ive been thinking about is THIS FUCKING THING. i dunno why my mind cant accept the fact. THE FACT THAT I CANT GO TO UK. NOT THIS YEAR ANYWAY. argh. ive tried my best to not think about this. ive tried really hard. but the more i try, the more i think and remember and feel hurt again. I HATE THIS FEELING. I WISH I WAS A ROBOT WITHOUT FEELINGS SO THAT I DUN NEED TO CARE. I DUN HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY EVER AGAIN. I WISH I WAS A VAMPIRE SO I CAN TURN OFF MY HUMANITY AND JUST DO WHATEVER I WANT. wow this feels good. jsut to let out my feelings to this blog eventhough i know NOBODY would read it. it just feels AWESOME!
*sighs* i think ive gotta see a counsellor asap before this gets worse. seriously. i dun want to let this distract me from getting my As for Malay, PW and CSE! NO WAY. A LEVELS IS MY EDUCATION. IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF MY LIFE AND I WILL NOT LET THIS SETBACK AFFECT ME IN ANYWAY. why cant i just accept the fact that cant go? WHY? oh god. i think ive said enough. there's a lot more things that i wanna vomit out but i think this is enoguh for today. i gotta start studying. *sighs* no more sleep for me today. :) thanks for listening to me blog! I owe you one! :)
Love, Sabby
the world will turn WILD.
10:55 PM
Friday, September 14, 2007
Down with stomach flu
i'm feeling so dizzy....my stomach hurts....i feel lyke vomiting.....
dat is how i felt yesterdae...bt 2dae aft i went to der doctor and ate my medicine, i feel much2 better. I did nt fast for two daes cause of der stomach flu. 2moro is NPCC service day. i hope dat i cn go bt i jus dun gt it why dey must put it on der fasting month.i really2 hope dat i cn strat fasting 2moro. I dun wan my so called 'bayar balik' daes to increase anymore. haiz....and 2moro oso hyrul is performin at der Taman Warisan Melayu frm 5.30 to 6.30. I am lyke so sad cause i cant go to der event as firstly, i'm nt feelin well and my mum CONFIRM wont let me go and oso i will b feelin DAMN tired aft goin 2 der NPCC service dae.
i really2 cant wait for hyrul's b'dae party. Eventhough i havent asked my mum yet, i tink dat i will b able to go. bt oso mayb nt cause dat is in der month of my exams. haiz...i dunno larh. i hope dat i cn tell my mum by sun cause Fiza nd der confirmation by den. I relly2 hope dat my mum let me.I am missing hyrul and der hyrulites so much!!! its been a long tyme and further more on hyrul's b'dae party all of us, der hyrulites, will b breakin our fast wit hyme and playin some games wit hyme and ourselves so dat we noe each other better.I AM SO EXCITED!
OKAYS la...gtg...i wanna gt ready for my tuiton at 6.30 pm eventhough its only 5.08pm now.BYEBYE guys!!
*sabby*
the world will turn WILD.
4:58 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Hey guys!!
Sorry for the lack of update. I have been very2 busy this past few wks bt now i'm free!! YAAY!! anywae...i have had LOTSSA fun on der hols and on mon, tues and todae. Last wk and this few daes are a few memories that i will cherish in my whole life and i will NOT let anyone take it away frm me. NEVER!! anywae, i will update u guys bout der events that happened dis few daes and last wk. Jus wanna tell u all dat i have alreadi FINISHED acting!!! YAAY!! WAT A RELIEVED!! I was so scared jus now acting in frot of Dr Yaacob Ibrahim and der other guests but i managed to put myself together and really2 tried my best to act in front of dem. This is an experienced dat i will nvr forget man!I was also really touched by my fav malay teacher, cikgu Azlina hugged me and sincerely said thank you to me for acting jus now.I wanted to cry but i held back tears. I will nvr ever forgt dat.I really2 hope dat she will b wit us until we leave our sec sch. I really2 love her a lot.She is exactly like my mum and i treat her like she is my second mother. i will really2 b sad if she leaves. haiz........
I dunno larh.Now i jus feel like crying.I dunno y. Mayb its jus dat i miss der times where i have to stay back until 6.45 to practise on der lakonan that is SO much fun. haiz...i'm confused. or mayb its jus der song I wish that by bianca ryan dat i'm listening to that make me wan to cry. OMG!!*sobs* I DUNNO!! I hate it wen my feelings change suddenly and randomly. haiz.....wat is wrong wit me now!!?? i shld b happy, proud and relieved dat der acting thingy is over bt now...i jus cant gt it out of my head and der words of der song is buzzing through my mind now...haiz...okays la guys....will update u soon about my recent events dat i went.
Jus wanna tell u all dat hyrul's b'dae is comin.This is der details:
We have planned for Hyrul's 22ndBirthday Party on the Saturday, 29September 2007. Yes, buka puasa wifthe man himself.Each person would be charged $10 forfood, goodie bag and lucky draw.So, if you would like to attend thebirthday party please email Fiza bythis Sunday, 16 September 2007 so thatI can provide you with further details.
fizah_conventgerl57@hotmail.comIn this format-
Name.
Contact No:
Email:
No. of Tickets:
PLEASE EMAIL FIZA ASAP.
THANK YOU!
SPREAD THE HYRULITISM!
byebye la... :)
the world will turn WILD.
6:42 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
hey guys!
i've been off frm blogging for a couple of days bt now dat exams are finally over, i'm back!!YAAY!! actually, exams are over lyke two wks bfore bt i hav gt tones of homework last wk so yeah. anywae, let me tell u on der things dat hav been happening to me.
firstly,i've been chosen by my malay teacher to act in front of the malay mp for education(i tink). i tink it is very pathetic to act in front of hyme as dere are only 4 ppl acting dis so called skit, dat is me, aishah, zilah and faris(der only boy).i will b practising der skit nxt tues and in der sept hols as well. Wat a bummer man!! haiz...
secondly, i have gotten back all my results for my common test. I cant belive it. I got okay marks ar bt i tot i would really2 do badly. My instincts were all wrong man.I really2 tot i would fail my maths. let me tell u my results and how i improve aite?
Malay: 69/100(improved)
English:62/100(disimproved)
Maths:76/100(disimproved bt gt second in class)
Science:84/100(improved and gt second in class)
History:91/100(improved and gt second in class)
LOL...i tink my faith only lies in being second in class. LOL. I feel deeply irritated by the fact dat i would hav gotten first in class for der various subjects if i hav gotten 1 more mark or less. it was also because of my careless mistakes dat i gt second in class for varous subjects. I am still not satisfied bt nevertheless i'll do better in EOY.
Thirdly, i cant wait to go to the recording on 8th of sept.My fwen, Fafa, ask me if i wanted to go to a recording of a show dat she was going to b in. I agreed and she told me dat i could invite a fwen along. I asked Fatin and Ferah bt dey turned der offer down. I den asked Fiza but she told me dat she gt sumthing on, on dat dae. Finally, i asked mira, my bestie , and she told me dat she wanted to go bt needed to ask her parents for permission. I really2 hope at she cn go. I really miss and hearts her lots. I am so lucky to hav a fwen lyke her. Wats more, she is oso a hyrulite so its even more easy to gt to noe her. :)
Yesterdae was NPCC. I was really dubting to go bt i went anywae.I was SO happy dat i went as it was ABSOLUTE FUN eventhough we had to wear full-u all der wae frm 2.30 to 5.30 and stand in der hot sun of der carpark.All through der NPCC, we had foot drills and really2 trained hard.Inspector Ibrahim was quite strict at first , pumping us wen he checked our full-u bt in der foot drill, he gav us a chance to hav fun. Faheema couldnt stop laughing wen Shafiq made a few mistakes. Even inspector Ibrahim laughed. All of us were stopping back giggles of laughter cause we were in a squad and we werent allowed to figet or even move worse, giggle. But dere was 1 tyme yesterdae dat shafiq answered nack in a very super funny way dat made everybody laugh out loud and even Inspector Ibrahim couldnt hold back his laugh and he allowed us to laugh as much as we cn. HAHAHA. We had so much fun yesterdae rite sec 2 npcc cadets o7? hehe..
Inspector Ibrahim den told us dat he was nt pampering us bt was jus nt being too strict as he knew dat we all will nt do our drills properly and dere will b a lot of casualties.I was very shocked wen he told us also dat he did nt come last wk cause one of his loved ones passed away. I really pitied him.
Today i realised something.I realised dat i really treasure my loved ones a lot. My Family, Besties, Best fwens, Hyrulties, Huda gurls, hyrul, sec 2 NPCC cadets of 07 and my classmates. They are all very important to me. My lyfe wont b der same without dem. I hope dat all of dem will be a part of me foreva. :) I miss dem and love dem a lot. Hugges and kisses upon dem.
well, dats all guys. will update u soon on der recording on 8 of sept.
*sabby*
the world will turn WILD.
3:44 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
I'm pissed off!!
I'm drowing......
I really2 dunno wat to do.....
I nd you by my side....
i cant take it anymore....
i wanna burst all my sorrow to you....
i'm still waiting and hoping for you to come and confort me....
dream on...
dis is wat i felt nowadays. I really dunno y. I am lyke very2 depressed and PISSED OFF.Mayb all der exam fever and school is getting into me and making my head burst, especially aft der maths common test which i took today.A big heavy lump is forming in my heart. I've tried everything to make myself feel better bt i jus cant.I dunno y.This is my last option: blogging. By blogging, I can expressed my feelings and make myself feel better.I noe sum of you disagree bt who cares, dis is jus who i am.This feeling dat i'm suffering frm now is still a mystery to me. I am SO certain dati will do badly 4 all my common test papers. I have dis insticnt dat tells me dat, eventhough i tried my best. I can feel dat i am going to let EVERYONE dat i noe down cause of my grades and myself.
I made a deal wit my mum dat before my exams dat i will maintain my 3rd in class and 14th in position if my mum let me go to all hyrul's shows and concerts and let me go out wit der hyrulites.my mum was hesitant bt agreed eventually aft sum persuations frm der EXPERT..hehe.. bt wen i took all der common test..haiz..my confidence jus went down and down till i have none left. i am certain dat i cant fulfill my mum's wish and cause of dat i am very scared dat i cant b wit der hyrulites anymore and i cant go to hyrul's shows. *sobs* Wen i'm writing dis, deep down inside i'm crying cause i have really2 practiced very hard and tried my best bt by der looks of it i am sure to let my mum down and dat i cant fulfill my mum's wish. Dat makes me sad and depressed cause i noe dat i have failed as a daughter. HAIZ...omg..tears are really starting to fill my eyes man...i cant stop dem..i'm too sad and depressed.i cant take it any more haiz...
My mood swings really getting hold of me now.So guys...PLS GET AWAY FRM ME IF U DUN WANNA B HURT.. I am so sorry. I cant help it.
The other thing dat keeps bugging me is ppl tokin bout hyrul. I keep asking myself y do all dis things happen to me , y do my loved ones hav to suffer cause of me , y do i alwaes cause dem distress bt i tink dat all dis is jus a test for me frm Allah. I really hope dat things well b better. I oso dun understand y ppl keep on tokin BAD bout hyrul. GUYS...HE IS A HUMAN BEING TOO U NOE...haiz...i noe larh u all are jus trying to make me angry rite? lyke wanting to tease me bt y cant u jus find other ways of doing dat? y must everything i do b related to my idol, hyrul? and FYI, I noe dat NABI MUHAMMAD is my idol and it is lyke everyones. Dey jus dun say it cause it is alwaes in dier hearts. An idol dun neccessarily means dat i worship hyme or he is lyke everything to me. It simply means dat he is special and very important to me. He inspires me and wen ever i look at hyme, it will make me happy and lucky dat i am 1 of der hyrulites. Lucky to b a part of dem and lucky to have all of dem in my lyfe. I love dem all. AND, btw, love doesnt hav to b only to ur boifwen or gurlfwes if dats wat SOME of u tinks. Love is free and cn b for any1 dat u appreaciate and is important to u. I hope dat frm now on, dere is no misunderstanding of dat.Hyrul is a source of inspiration for me. Actually, i dun really care bout anu at first bt wen i my couz came to my house 1 day and ask me to on der tv for her to watch anu and i watch wit her, wen i saw hyrul performing, i straight away fell in love wit hyme, his style, his personality, EVERYTHING bout hyme "WOWS' me.Frm den on, i became 1 of his fans and now i'm lyke super crazy bout hyme. hehe. i noe some of u guys are sayin lyke wat der hell am i tokin bout. Jus tink bout someone important to u. Dunt u feel der same way too?? haiz..sumtimes its better nt to say sumthings huh??
well i jus hope dat NOBODY will say anything bad bout hyrul.Wen ppl say dat, sumtimes it really hurts u noe. SO pls, STOP IT!!
*sabby*
the world will turn WILD.
8:16 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
MEMORIES TO SHARE
hey guys!!
its me again!! :) just came back frm sch....now i'm lyke looking through raw relle's blog and chatting wit kak aishah...hehe...well..let me tell u all der things dat hav been happening to me huh??
14 July 2007I know this is lyke a long tyme ago..bt dis dae is one of der most memorable dae in my lyfe...so sad dat ferah couldnt make it cause of
SOME reasons. well..on dat dey, i went out wit
KINDER GURLZ(sort of ar)....On dis dae, we went to Kousalya's house to do our 2-D animatio project..we were suppose to do a storyboard...oh yarh and nt forgtin our history project. I went out of der house at around 10 sumtin and reached der bus stop near westmall at around 11pm.There, i w8ted for Fatin to come.I was so lucky(
OBVIOUS)dat Fatin came on tyme to catch der bus 187.Guess wat!!?? her sister came along too...her sister is lyke one of der cutest darlings ever...hehe...den, we alighted at kousalya's bus stop where Faheema was w8tin 4 us cause u noe..dis is our first tyme goin to kousy's house ad we didnt noe where it is.At bout 11.30, we reached her house and we started doin our project....OMG!! u noe kousy's lil sis
PRIYA...haiz..she's
SUCH a
BRAT....bt anyhow..she's cute and
IRRITATING..well..
DARING oso....hehe..
to kousy:how do u even survive living wit priya huh?? we nd a private tok bout dis..hehe...
anywae...all dat tyme she was demanding 4 attention and alwaes hitting us...she is SO ANNOYING!! I really pitied Fatin...priya hit her a lot of times and she is just 5 years old!!!
OMG!! 5 years old!!??iswear u guys will nt believe dat she 5 wen u meet her...LOL....we couldnt even cocentrate in our work and kousy had to scold her alwaes...and I LUV UR HOUSE KOUSY!!! even if u HATE it larh... :) while we were doing our work and trying to tolerate Priya, we oso CAMWHORED...hehe..I AM OFFICIALLY A CAMWHORER...hmm....did i say dis b4?? hehe... because of all dis so called 'OBSTACLES' , we spent hours of completing our work...and we at last finished at 6.30pm...i tink(confused)..hehe...oh yarh and bfore dat, we oso ate BRIYANI dat kousy's mom cooked especially 4 us...LUV UR FAMLY AND U KOUSY!!! hehe...it was SUPER DELICIOUS!! hehe...and aft dat, i went to Faheema's house to w8 4 my mum to fetch me frm work...and i ate summore dere as faheema told me dat her mum cooked alreadi and pleaded me to eat(sort of pleaded)....i was SO glad dat i ate it cause der mee siam was SUPER DELICIOUS again...hehe....OBVIOUS MARH...my best fwens are PROS!!
to kousy and faheema:thks 4 der delicious food guys!!!
well..dats all i did...so sad dat ferah couldn't come...it was damn fun...
p.s. we CAMWHORED again wen kousy's bigger sis came back home....and i noe dat priya du lyke me...hehe...
okays larh..dis are der pics dat i tok at kousy's house..CHEERS!!
FaTiN and SaBBy
FaRaH,KouSy,FaTiN,FaHeeMa and PriYa
KouSy researching
FaHeeMa,PriYa,KouSy,FaRaH,FaTiN
Complain Queen feeding Mrs Perfectionist..LOL
I'm alreadi too full!! stop feeding me!! hehe...
CHEESE!!
Kousy: Get to work guys while i sit here and rest..
SMILE!!(1st shoot)
FaRaH,FaTiN and SaBBy(2nd shoot)
LOVE!!
lets b fwens!!
FaHeeMa and PriYa
SaBBy,PriYa and FaTiN
FaHeeMa and FaRaH
KouSy and FaRaH
SaBBy and FaRaH
Hugs and kisses!!
BEST FWENS 4EVA!!KINDER GURLS!!!
the world will turn WILD.
2:40 PM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
ARGH!! TO MUCH NP!!!
hey guys...well..i'm lyke sooo sleepy now..i really am..eventhough its jus 9.40pm...haiz...i had a tough and pack activites dis wk..let me tell u my schedules okay??
Mon: NPCC-3 to 4pm
went back home to check sumthing-4 to 4.30pm
meet Fatin and Saferah-5.30pm
gt back home-8.20pm
eat,bath,solat-8.20 to 9pm
watch hikmah-9 to llpm
Tue:NPCC-2.30 to 6pm
gt back at 6.30pm
bath,eat solat-6.30 to 7.30pm
did my homework-7.30 to 9.30pm
and now blogging
Wed:NPCC-3 to 6pm
will b back home at 6.30pm
bath,eat,solat-6.30 to 7.30pm
do homework-7.30 to 8.30pm
prepare 4 history wizard-8.30 to 9.30pm
watch tv and chat-9.30 to .......
Thurs:NPCC-2.30 to 6pm
reach home at 6.30pm
eat,bath,solat-6.30 to 7.30pm
get ready to go tuition-7.30 to 7.45pm
go tuition-7.45 to 8pm
tuition-8pm to 9.30pm
will b back home by 10pm
do my homework-10 to 11pm
Fri:NPCC-1pm to 7 suthing pm
will b back home by 8pm
cant go to tuition as tuition starts frm 6.30 to 8pm
AND AT LAST...
I CAN RELAX!!!!!!
OMG!! dis year, dere's a lot of NPCC stuff man!! as compared to last year...may because nxt year we will bcome NCO mayb... i dunno..sumtimes i jus feel lyke quiting NP cause it s too much until even my homwwork i cant afford to do...haiz..lets jus c how it is huh?? bt i noe i cant quit NP...i jus noe it..and i WONT quit it cause i LOVE NPCC too much...i noe dat sounds crazy...i love it as much as i love der kinder gurls, huda gurls and der hyrulites and my family...i tink u guys noe wat i mean rite??:) so i cant possibly jus quit it rite?? :) well...i'll jus hav to endure..1 more year to go bfore i become an NCO...i cant w8 to train my cadets.. :) anywaes...wish me luck 4 my STORY TELLING...i noe..i noe..i still havent present it..casue der teachers always nvr come and we alwaes hav to pospone it again and again...okay larh guys...i gtg...i wanna TIDUR...if i hav der tyme, i'll tell u wat i did in der last wkend kays???
*sabby*
the world will turn WILD.
9:40 PM
